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Dear Diary

no hope for love

It’s been 24 days now. It’s like I’ve been missing. If you ask me what I’ve been doing during those 24 days – I have no idea. There is a change, I go out, I smile, I eat like before. Not that I feel better, but I’ve learned to pretend better. I guess that’s the first step. Here is another proof that the best way to overcome your issues is to act like they don’t exist.

I know for sure now that things will never be like before, and yet I keep some hope… They say hope is what keeps a man alive. To me, hope is what kills me. It stops me from moving ahead, it pulls me back, it pushes me down, it drives me towards self-destruction. I don’t want any hope!

They say hope is what keeps a man alive. To me, hope is what kills me. Click To Tweet

What is wrong with me? I don’t trust myself anymore. I am afraid of me because I don’t understand me. Time has the ability to make everything pass. Until then it will already be too late.

I realize that anything I do is with one sole purpose – to remind of my existence. I know it is lame but what the hell… Here I am, look at me! Do you think about me? That is everything I care about! Everything! Do you think about me? Every positive sign fills me with happiness, but as soon as the sign is gone I am overtaken by indescribable fear again.

I’ve been afraid of the dark, I’ve been afraid of death, but I am much more afraid now. Now I am afraid that I will be forgotten.

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