Have you ever had the feeling that life is making fun of you? Mostly by giving you hopes that something is going to happen only to destroy them later? It takes away your deepest and most intimate desires and starts giving you some small signs. You may not be superstitious at all, but life makes those signs pretty obvious and is so consistent in doing this that sooner or later you will fall for the trick. And then life starts to build up tension. No hurry. Little by little, step by step, until you are so sure that you got it all right, everything is just the way you wanted it, your dreams are about to come true.
And just like life has been waiting for this final sublime moment, when you are overfilled with joy and happiness and are singing “halleluiah”, then suddenly everything turns to dust. You can almost hear life laughing at you and saying “What, you really believed you were going to get that? Fool!”
I don’t know if this is worse than knowing that in fact life doesn’t care at all about you or your dreams and desires.